I saw Thrice today at the House of Blues

It was amazing; before Yellow Belly even started, from my spot just outside the general standing area, a mad dash to the front was made and all hell broke loose after they walked up.  It was a mad sea of pushing and smelling and occasionally getting trampled on.  I spent a fair 90% of my time among the front-left of the crowd, the latter of the 10% I spent from the far right sidelines because I was tossed by my friend and a random guy who kept yelling “Play Paper Tigers!” during Phoenix Ignition to the peak of the crowd and crowd-surfed for the first time ever; hell, this was my first concert.  My mind is still reeling from the pure energy and everything that went down, and I made one last dash to the heart of the crowd during the ending of To Awake and Avenge the Dead so I could get to Dustin.  My voice went hoarse from yelling the lyrics…all worth it, all worth it.  Props to O Brother, Moving Mountains and La Dispute for keeping everything energetic, and much thanks to Han and Anaya for this legitimate night.

And thus the downward descent of thinking begins

Equilibrium sets itself to reestablish order in the system; or in this case disorder, which means entropy is in play.  My brain is playing tricks on me, or is the dust settling and has the vision reoriented itself ins such a way that I have already set myself up for the fall?  Could this supposed reality be nothing at all?  All questions right now, all vague motherfucking questions.

Is pessimism really just a cop-out choice to be right more often than being wrong, especially if you’re someone with the psychological attribute of stubbornness?  If you dislike being wrong, as an optimist, you’re much more likely to be wrong in comparison to being a pessimist.  Then again, this comes from the observational viewpoint of a pessimist, and thus I’m talking in circles.

Partly as an effort to be able to write again and partly because Miko wants me to, I’ma try to write.

One of the main reasons why I have not been doing this is because when I do write, it feels like it’s the same, as if there’s been no growth, stagnation.  It’s been a recurring theme actually, many things have become stagnant I feel, and if they aren’t, they’ve degraded and have made negative progress.  It’s honestly gotten to my head and now I’m highly disillusioned both figuratively and sometimes literally depending on if chemicals are in the equation, and I hate it.  I would wanna maybe tell those I confide in this stuff, but as mentioned above with negative progress, I feel I’m losing my place and I’m merely a bother and a hinderance, so I try to adhere to laissez-faire and just keep it, for it’s said a real gentleman, no matter if he loses anything, must show no emotion.  I’ve put my own twist on it and switched it up to showing only the emotions one would expect of me: randomness, idiocy, dirtiness and the like.  It’s all purely a facade; if you read my mind, it’s somewhere among the ether of thoughts that exists where we are not, one day hoping to become one with that universal flow of energy.  But for the time being, just a bit of nothingness exists, a void still.  A recurring theme once again, which hearkens back to everything being stagnant.  It’s like watching the world move in high-speed, everything a blur while you just move there slower than a snail, moving almost as if frame-by-frame, shudder speed set to who-knows-what; all you have moving at the same pace as you is your own shadow.

How often do we focus on trivial matters while ignoring those that are pertinent?

Way too fucking often…and frankly, that’s sad.  To use a gripe of my best friend that I agree with, too much emphasis is placed on animal rights when there’s such things as suffering third-world countries, a stagnant/downward-spiraling economy and things of that magnitude occuring.  Not to say animals should be mistreated, but there comes a point when you’re just overdoing it to a level of vicarious self-indulgence.  If I come off as a douchebag, so be it but I’d rather see $100 spent towards something like vaccinations or shelter for a family in dire need rather than some spa-treatment shit for a dog.

Sometimes, I wanna just try and write something.  I don’t know what, but just something; probably just random musings or about things that pop up here and there.  I never can find the way to just string thoughts together into something cohesive and comprehensible though, it’s all just a jumble…hell, everything’s a jumble right now.  It’s chaos, obeying either the first or second law of thermodynamics, I don’t remember exactly.  Consistency is sought out, order is wanted, but the system is always inclined toward entropy or disorder, so such a desire is basically impossible.  But for our numbered days, we have the power to not necessarily exercise absolute control of our system, but influence it; such an ability is both marvelous and daunting if you think about it.

I seriously have no idea where the hell I’m going with this.

How many things do we take for granted?

Family, friends, eating, education, entertainment.  Even something as simple as breathing is left unnoticed until there’s something wrong or out-of-the-norm.  One potentially huge flaw for a person to do is assume everything as a given when it really isn’t and can be taken away in a split second.  We as humans are generally unappreciative of what we have until it’s gone, and that is a grandiosely bad habit to have and keep when everything we have in life is a blessing.

Something I’m trying to improve in myself is having a more positive outlook on things and not get too wrapped up in the negative.  The world is marred with too much negativity and to let trivial bullshit further compound onto something is not worth it at all; the least one can do is try to be an optimistic enforcing spirit to others.  It can spread, and just the smallest amount can do wonders.  Same can be said for bad vibes, it works both ways.

-On a lame note, this came about when I lost the game and then mindfucked myself by realizing I was manually breathing.  My mind works in weird-ass ways…

I wonder if it’s just me

But out of all the music I hear, hearing love songs or stuff about attraction tends to wear out the easiest for me.  Unless it has some sort of stylistic curveball, tells a story or just does something different in general, I tend to grow weary of them almost immediately.  Summed up, I interpret it as basically, “I love you, I’d do whatever for you,” and yet I hear that same idea repeated in 453045872034587 other songs; rinse, recycle, repeat.  There’s only so many ways you can hear the same thing before it eventually gets trite.

Eh, it’s probably just me.

Something, just something keeps drawing me back.  I don’t know what it is or why so, but it’s like the slightest of urges to always wanna try and talk to you.  It goes beyond just your physical appearance, which I won’t deny that I very much attractive, but some aspect of your personality and demeanor that I can’t quite put my finger on…that’s what she said.  I want a reset button to disperse of the previous contact we had to just start fresh and anew with this newfound perspective and approach on things.  Maybe that might make the difference, maybe it won’t, but it would at least feel more earnest and less forced than what I put out at first; that probably screwed me over in the first place.  I don’t seek to just woo, I seek to create a bond that which I can build off of and disperse any misgivings you may have or past experiences you’ve had, to prove myself that I’m not some douchebag aiming for a fling, nor will I abandon ship; when I promise something, especially something of that magnitude, I keep that word.  This flip-flopping is the equivalent of a malfunctioning lightbulb; I’ve swapped the filaments and the switch is on.  Tomorrow will be a test of that lightbulb’s power.

Balls-out on this shit.

I COULD constantly post status updates on Facebook

Like most others do, saying what they did and with who.  But for some reason, I feel that makes me sound self-important and pompous…I know every time I read back something I post that recounts what I just did and with who, I think I sound like a jackass, thus being why I seldom do that and just post random stupid lines or song lyrics and largely another reason why I’ve abandoned Twitter.

Or maybe I don’t post status updates cuz I lack a social life…probably more accurate.